19 Years Not So Much Later
by patronus43
Summary: One shot. Thoughts running through one young lady's head as the little ones head off to school.


**A/N: Quick one shot that I so needed to get out of my system. For the record: I don't ship this couple, but it was eating me up not to write this because of things. Some original text, owned by the lovely Mrs. J.K. Rowling. **

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"Look who it is." Ron had meant for only Harry to hear, but Ginny and I both followed his nod, and my breath caught in my throat.

So it was true. He was married. He had a kid. I mean, so was I. But it wasn't fair. It was never fair and he never made it fair and things could have been so different, but no, he gave up.

It was different to look at him. To be standing so far away from him, to have not seen him for so many years, but to know that that wife of his knew so little about him compared to what I knew.

He saw us staring at him. How couldn't he, we were a big group, all staring in one direction, paying no attention to the four small kids around us. He nodded and turned away. He never even looked at me. But now I knew he was there, and I couldn't avert my eyes, but the coward, the bloody coward, couldn't even look at me. After Harry had saved his life, after we'd all worked to keep his stupid bloody parents out of Azkaban, after everything that _we_ had been through he couldn't even look me in the eye. It was enough to make me want to run over and punch him.

But then, that was always our relationship, wasn't it? Me always the passionate one, the one who would go to the ends of the earth to make it work, he the quiet one, keeping everything secret, never daring to do so much as look in my direction when we weren't alone, pushing everything further and further down until he could safely pretend he didn't have feelings for me anymore.

And how did that work out for him? He came back, in the end. Ron knows why I started pushing him away after the Malfoys' trial, he knows why we broke up, it's not like it's a secret. But I guess everything's official now. He can't come back anymore. He was married, he had a bloody kid! That thing he always swore he never wanted, always said he'd make a horrible father, said that he would be happier never being in a position that could give him power over any other human being, why he never wanted to marry me, never wanted a family, never wanted what I did.

Or maybe it all led back to the underlying problem- it may be a different regime now, his family may have turned a new leaf, but I was still a bloody Mudblood and there would be no changing that. She was a pureblood, surely. Had to be. Complete their perfect little pureblood life, to have a perfect little pureblood son, leave the dirty Mudblood to marry the person she was meant to- the Blood Traitor, and have dirty little kids.

Ron muttered something. How long had I been lost in thought? Was he talking to me? No, he was leaning down to Rose, back to the present, ignore him, he's not worth it anymore.

"-you beat him in every test, Rosie. Thank God you inherited your mother's brains."

"Ron, for heaven's sake, don't try and turn them against each other before they even started school!" Present, present, present, don't look over, he's gone now, he's not even still there.

"Hey!" And James was back, and I could break away again, I didn't have to be a part of this happy family. But he was gone, surely, I'd look up into empty space.

My breath caught again. Oh, so it was not me who he was afraid of but Harry and Ron, for now he unabashedly stared right at me, smirking that awful smirk that drew me to him in the first place. I begged the color in my cheeks to stay down, I dared him to be the first to look away. I had always been first to do everything, it was his turn.

His eyes darted to his left, to her, where she stood with his son, and the smirk was back, "Jealous?" he was asking, he was trying to push my buttons, but he wouldn't win. I pulled Hugo closer to me, he wrapped his arms around my legs, and I stared right back, smirked right back, "No. Happy." He faltered. This was never how it went, never, he always challenged, I always surrendered, that was how it worked, but not this time, he didn't control me anymore, I wasn't living to make him happy, to make him stay. He crossed his arms, "Liar." He thought he'd won, thought I couldn't prove him wrong without breaking, without letting him win, but he was wrong. I let my eyes dart to her- he relaxed, thought he'd won, but no, I looked right back at him, raised one eyebrow, "Please, her?" He was shocked, it showed, but he wasn't relenting, he wasn't going to let me win easily, he didn't want to be challenged by me. He smoothed a hand through his hair, let his eyes travel slowly up and down my body, even from so far away, I knew where they lingered, "Like you were better." And now he really thought that he'd won, he was sure of it, he was standing in his pureblood pose, even through the distance I saw his eyes glinting, but he wasn't winning, he was never winning, not anymore, I was my own person, I wasn't his anymore. I turned, his smirk returned, I turned Ron around and kissed him, full, letting all the hatred I was feeling seep out of me and broke it off. Ron looked down at me, pulled me into him, seemed to know how I was feeling, but he didn't, he thought it was nerves, sending Rose off, but as soon as I was in his arms, I looked back across the platform, and he was still there, still staring, his jaw practically down to the floor. I relaxed into Ron further, both eyebrows knit, shooting daggers with my eyes, "Always will be."

And it was over. He didn't own me anymore, I'd won, he didn't matter, he could go back to his happy little perfect life that was still so controlled by Daddy, and I would live mine, so wonderfully free, free of him and his nasty tendencies, his pushing me away and pulling me back when it was convenient, his neediness and his terror, and I was me, and I didn't even need to see him to know how he stood now. His shoulders were slumped, his eyes looked to the floor, his arms behind his back, "I'm sorry." But it didn't matter, it never mattered, because he never meant it. And we were both better off for it.


End file.
